Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
