my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Bring me that man meat
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
