At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
