i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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