did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
