We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
