ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
