Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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