i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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