I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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