Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
