so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
