dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
