There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
