you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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