8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
