I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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