I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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