GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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