OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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