the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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