i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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