There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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