That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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