she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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