His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
