my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
