i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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