i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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