Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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