Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
