Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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