saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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