I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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