I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
