How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
