Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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