I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
