There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
