I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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