Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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