that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
