Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
