Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
