UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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