the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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