well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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