You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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