It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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