I haven't been this sober since birth.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
