Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
