hotel room ftw
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
