wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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