you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
