The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
