I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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