you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
