FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
