The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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