You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
