I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
