My nipple is on Facebook.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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