sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
